Wilford Brimley Enters Staring Contest with Cat Look-Alike, Outcome Yet to be Decided
.
October 14, 2009
Filed under Humor
Earlier this week renowned actor and television spokesperson Wilford Brimley squared off against local stray cat “Fluffums” in a staring contest for, in the words of Brimley, “honor and dominance.” The loser in this game of high stakes was required to leave the locality immediately and indefinately.
“I’ve been an actor for 30 years!” exclaimed a flustered Brimley, “And yet I walk around and people tell me that I look like ‘that cat they’ve seen digging through their garbage.’ Not for the years of uncredited stuntwork, or the minor roles I played in movies like Last of the Dogmen or Cocoon, or even those damn Liberty Mutual commercials! After those came out everyone called me the diabeetus man, but even then they just look at me like I forgot to take my insulin!” he said to the press all the while focusing intensely on the coldly indifferent and mildly confused eyes of Fluffums.
This reporter was fortunate enough to catch the disgruntled man hours prior to the be all, end all match to hear him recount the events that lead up to now.
“Being fed up with all of these people saying that I look like that garbage-scavenging, over-sized rodent, you can imagine how angry I was when I learned that half of my royalty check had been deducted in order to pay for my novelty car horn. I was getting ready to drive over to Liberty Medical Center Headquarters in my drunken rage. I feel,” he ads on a side note, “that people listen to me better after I’ve had a few brewskis. But anyways, I was trying to find the door to the garage when I heard a rustling out back. Thinking it was those kids that are always walking around the neighborhood blasting their rap music, I grabbed a brick, which by the way is also a good argument tool, and stumbled out into the alley. That’s when I saw him. It felt like those old westerns I used to do, we squared off for a good 10 minutes. Me with my brick, and him with last week’s tuna casserole. After snapping out of my drunken daydream I chucked the brick at him, and that was that,” he stated triumphantly.
But that wasn’t the end of it. Over the next few weeks he encountered that same cat a total of 63 times, “as if it was on some sort of mission,” he said in an almost paranoid tone. “Enough was enough, so I decided to stare it down, and it just kept staring back. That’s when I got the idea to stare him into submission, and here we are.”
Indeed it seems that neither party has submitted to each other, nor do they show any sign of ending soon. One thing’s for sure though, it as an oddly awesome and strangely nostalgic sight to behold.
Last 5 posts in Humor
- SEN10RITIS! - April 8th, 2010
- Seniors School the Staff in Student-Faculty Basketball Game - April 7th, 2010
- Watch Out for the Como Park Citations! - March 9th, 2010
- "Groundhog Day... Seriously?!" - February 4th, 2010
- What You Need Is A Bear Proof Suit - December 2nd, 2009
Loading ...
Comments