Theatergoers assemble! Oh wait, they already have seeing as Marvel’s The Avengers will be approaching a global gross of a billion dollars by the time you read this. That success isn’t the result of a couple of trailers and word-of-mouth but an untried marketing strategy of paving a five year road built from four disparate film franchises. Comics fanboys are as devoted as they are because they’re invested in these characters and now, thanks to what Iron Man started back in 2007, so is everyone else. Its financial welfare is guaranteed, but does the property live up to its hype? Pretty much.

Plot is…mostly irrelevant to superhero team-up stories like this. The Norse god Loki (Tom Hiddleston) has found a portal to Earth thanks to an alien empire that craves a glowy, blue cube (the one from Captain America.) He desires planetary kinghood here since being denied Asgard’s throne. This drives Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) to enact his Avengers’ Initiative — “the idea to bring together a group of remarkable people.” They’ve already got a star-spangled man out of time (Chris Evans) and his eternal shield. The blood brother Thor (Chris Hemsworth) comes from Asgard as well to charge Loki for his crimes. Billionaire Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is brought in for, 1. the powerful arc reactor that fuels his Iron Man persona, 2. his public appeal, and 3. a cunning that might just give the other-dimensional trickster a run for his money; Tony has a lot of that too. And in India, Fury finds an elusive Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) who represses more than just hard feelings. The four fight in varying combinations, stop to awe in the other’s strength, realize who the real opposition is, and rally their fists. Do they win? That goes without saying. The real fun lies in seeing the bond grow between them with all its frictions and camaraderie.

I’ve already raved about the talent named Joss Whedon in my Cabin in the Woods review (a film still heavily recommended) so I’ll just say the obvious. His dialogue cleverly and comically tells a new viewer everything they need to know about the Avengers without stylizing them so much that they feel completely unique from previous entries. His direction facilitates his writing so precisely that simple character interface is (almost) just as exciting as the set pieces. But…the set pieces…the…anyone who values action will pay that ridiculous ticket price — maybe hate the entire first two acts of the film — and will feel fulfilled when those last thirty minutes kick in. All the verbal and physical spats you wanted to see from idols like Cap and Iron Man come to fruition because of the script. Sure, Evans hasn’t defined the first Avenger, but when he’s acting, heck when he’s on set, “who cares if he has a costume from Halloween Express? That’s Captain America!”

While all the ensemble gives it heart, with Hiddleston making for a particularly potent threat so vicious and cruel that you’ll cheer for every ounce of his pain, there are two standout performances that’ll likely register as favorites on a massive scale. The first is Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow who benefits from Whedon’s strong female characterization. She obviously doesn’t have as much screen time as the big four, but one key scene speaks volumes about her interesting background as a Russian spy, and the other is just plain prelude to her own movie. Speaking of the big four, I’m pleased to say nobody’s going to miss Edward Norton. Mark Ruffalo is clearly painting humanity here and is quickly making the Hulk more interesting than in all the other mediums before. His Banner is a fidgety “Stephen Hawkins” who, in the vein of Bill Bixby (the TV actor,) despite desperately wanting a respite from people will never abandon someone in need, even if that jerk ultimately wants to manipulate him. Yet Hulk isn’t removed from Bruce as a compelling character. Discussing in detail the crossroads at which the man arrived would detract from seeing it for yourself but know that my top five favorite scenes involve the “Jade Giant.” This isn’t simply a great first entry for the Avengers franchise but just maybe the best Hulk movie ever made.

Final Verdict: Could I complain about the writing being so fast and so layered with comic book elements that it’s sometimes inaccessible to general audiences? Sure. But I could care less about them right now. People have already made up their minds. This movie was made for me and anyone who’s still in love with the idea of “old fashioned” heroes.

Why in horror movies are there always five teenagers: the jock, the stoner, the guy with glasses, and the ladies both promiscuous & chaste? What draws them to obviously damned, naturally dark-lit places in the middle of nowhere? Why do they read Latin in the cellar and split up at the first sign of strange happenings? Need the virgin die last? And when the camera stalks its victims from the trees inconspicuously, why do we feel more than Freddy and Jason afoot? “Cabin in the Woods” attempts to answer such longstanding questions of the genre and past that, I won’t tell you any more about the plot in this paragraph. Just know that Joss Whedon was behind this movie which promises good things for The Avengers (that grossly unhyped superhero flick which he also wrote and directed.) He is one of the only writers blossoming in Hollywood that would dare give the American masses what they crave and often waste near $8 on — something they haven’t seen before. If that sounds enticing and it should, forget reading this gibberish, and find the long waiting answers at your nearest cinema (but finish the gibberish when you get back.) If I haven’t yet satiated your horror taste buds, read on with the revelation that below be spoilers. Small ones!

The film disarmingly opens with two blue-collar technicians making smalltalk worthy of Office Space (played with great comic timing by Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford.) They belong to an unrecognized firm that seemingly has a branch in every country. In fact, they seem to be revving up for a global operation utilizing technology and other resources far beyond public capabilities or comprehension. Concurrently, Curt (Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth) and company want to get out of the dorm room, and plan a trip to his cousin’s titular cabin. “Does Curt even have a cousin?” Ponders the comic-relief pothead. Early into the night, the group has already unwittingly summoned a nearby lineage of zombies. Will they make all the same mistakes as their archetypes in trying to survive? That’s what Jenkins and Whitford wonder as they watch the young people struggle using hidden cameras with a live feed, hundreds of feet beneath the surface. They wonder because lives depend on the answer; their lives.

“The Whedonverse,” as it’s lovingly called by fans, is a hugely fun and witty cosmos, spanning several genres at a trailblazing speed. That’s because Joss Whedon isn’t afraid to follow stories where they lead him. He’s a frontiersman cutting down wily undergrowth with his pen. His dialogue never fails and he shows no fear in upside down hanging those well written characters out to dry. Though outside the body, blood doesn’t take long at all. That’s why he keeps prodding for fresh substance. It’s this narratory instinct that made him take the dumb, bimbo blonde, the Public Enemy No. 1 of slasher flicks, and made her a slayer of nightmares. “Cabin” is an even more drastic reinvention. His message is that the five archetypes (the ones who started this review and “have been in the woods” for almost forty years now) have carried the genre as far as they could take it. The world of horror needs new bearers.

Final Verdict: Many more dimensions of the film deserve recognition but the inertia of that last paragraph swept me up. It was the summary of my faith in the film. Anything more would’ve been anticlimactic, so… *Giant hand smashes the Earth.*

The superhero genre has seen some wild twists since the purist days of Richard Donner’s “Superman,” a movie which in many ways created the formula that until said twists was largely intransient. A colorful hercules of stalwart integrity and unbreakable ethics gains the power to displace all moral turpitude in the world and exact his life’s ambitions, confidently, with the love of the masses and a soul mate waiting. Actually the formula hasn’t changed much since the Greek myths. Even the Gothic Batman who many would defend as the “everyman” is capable of psychotically sweeping aside his personal devastations to conquer bedlam. It wasn’t until Mark Millar’s Kick-Ass in 2008 that a new film wave was inspired where regular joes face comic book predicaments in the real world. Most kept their distance from the earthmoving feats of the source material. 20th Century Fox’s “Chronicle” not only endows its teenage-mannered characters with full-scale super powers but is also the first superhero film to utilize another novelty: the “found footage” shaky cam popularized by The Blair Witch Project. For my money, it’s also the first dramatic narrative to find success with the documentative style.

Andrew Detmer (Dane DeHann) is tragically antisocial. He lives in a deteriorating home with an abusive father and dying mother. The more his only attachment dies, the more he feels the fists of the patriarch. His only friend at high school is his cousin, Matt (Alex Russell,) who does not speak to or defend him in the halls where bullies pummel. Andrew figures life has planned his downfall from the beginning and chooses to accelerate the process by self-destructively “chronicling” his desolation; thus the cheery impetus for the handheld approach. When dragged along to a rave by Matt where Andrew is caught filming some jock’s girlfriend and painfully forced from the party, circumstance finds the cousins and Steve (Michael B. Jordan, no relation) discovering a cave deep in the earth that emits unworldly sounds. While descending, Matt appropriately references Plato’s Allegory. After finding something that might as well be Kryptonian, the three wake up the next morning able to play Catch — with their minds. Coming together and mastering their abilities over the course of the film, the trio are a legitimate joy to watch until the heavy third act where Matt and Steve realize the best thing they could do for this world is save their friend from himself.

Of much higher quality than the cool but cryptic trailers led me to believe, Chronicle is truly a unique experience. The up-close-and-personal documenting of the seamlessly blended “special effects” leaves you agape at times as the boys experiment with little things like building LEGO towers or putting on a magic show, then the big things as they learn to levitate and…well you can guess what. Josh Trank’s directing debut has put him at the top of Hollywood’s most wanted list. As well it should as Trank coordinates so many scenes with such unbelievable realism. When a blogger with a camera of her own enters the film later, the possibility for multiple camera angles in this genre is groundbreakingly realized. The three leads are extraordinarily captivating with DeHann’s extreme pathos injections, Russell’s philosophical demeanor, and B. Jordan’s affable humanity (an actor some might recognize as grown up Wallace from The Wire.) None of this would’ve shown through if not for a mostly compelling script by Max Landis (son of the famous John Landis who directed Animal House and An American Werewolf in London.)

There is however some ground in this movie one might find ineffectual or maudlin. Though I said the script was mostly effective, it’s not really until they get their powers that you become invested in their characters. Andrew’s depression was hard to get a fix on at first but as the film went along, it became clear that he was genuinely disturbed. Suffering from actual sickness, it was hard to believe he’d want to draw attention to himself by hauling a camera around everywhere like some quirky types might, but he always was a moth to his own flame. It’s later on when he really starts to break down that some of his character is lost in what becomes an excessive shouting match. The whole climax was a bit comic-booky for a film that never actually uttered the word superhero. It shouldn’t be held against the movie too much since it’s kind of hard to escape your own genre.

Final Verdict: “Chronicle” is a pleasant surprise as it’s one of the films I can count on my fingers in the found footage genre that has characters you care about and also as the only representative superhero story. My other recommended pick for Feb.

1.  Research your region, knowing which vegetables and plants will grow in certain climates will make it much easier, and possible, to grow produce in your garden.

2.  Frost is boss, an early frost can kill your entire garden overnight, usually frost season ends around the end of June so planting before then can be a risky precedure.

3.  Evade the shade, know which plants need more sunlight and plant them in areas free of obstructions from the sun.  This way your plants can grow to their full potential, and keep them from withering in the sun.

4.  Toil over the soil, the basis of your garden is the soil in which you plant your patch.  Dry dirt just will not do, moist loose soil and fertilizer are the perfect combination for sprouting plants.  Also be aware of your gardens situation in the landscape, drainage issues can ruin your crop.

5.  Bugs dont hug, your plants can be ravaged by rabbits, squirrels, and all sorts of insects.  Being aware of the critters in your area and protecting your garden from them can be the difference between harvesting and devestation.

These are generic outlines for gardening, it is best to learn from family, friends, or anyone willing to help.  Gardening is a great way to be self sufficient, get outside and soak up the rays, and a great activity for yourself or groups!  Stay sunny Cougars!

The ill storm is forming. The chaotic cloud suffers in its impartiality but not its size. It rains motor oil and dead crows. Thunder sounds from nowhere and lightening lashes at the Earth with a Roman sadism. A kind of black twister touches down to the mortal plane to usher in Revelation: the age of waste. At its eye suffers a defiant man who fears his family will also get swept up if he doesn’t shelter them from the impending storm. What weighs heaviest on him is…where to shelter them? Inside — or outside. Now, if all of this sounds incredibly vague and poetically experimental for a plot synopsis, it’s because I made a conscious decision that the less you know about this film the more awed you’ll be your first time. Just let it be known that in my eyes; this is the best film of last year. If that statement has any value to you, cease this informative venture and check out the DVD or Blu-ray at a local Redbox (as your cheapest, least risky option. I’d even say say it’s worth the 20-30 dollar purchase if you’ve got some spending money and a daring, movie loving heart.) If you’re the kind of person who needs more insight before taking a leap of faith, read on knowing that I will divulge a fraction of the movie’s magic.

Curtis LaForche (Michael Shannon) lives native to the the broad, open flat lands of the Ohio countryside. The accommodating geography is effectively key as it is a place already completely vulnerable to the elements that roam through the area on a regular basis. In Tornado Alley, rains and worse do start without warning — besides maybe the lightless clouds forming beyond the horizon, although by then it could be too late. The helter-skelter climate is hardly on the minds though of Midwestern family men like Curtis, who lives in Jeffersonian content with his loving wife, Samantha (Jessica Chastain,) and their deaf but hopeful daughter (Tova Stewart.) When he begins to get plagued by visions as described above that often develop from the everyday, superficial storms in his life however, he starts to nervously renovate his tornado shelter outback for more “permanent” lodgings. It’s a frightening sequence the first time Curtis leads his family into the murkiness of that shelter. They tell him after hours that the storm is done and they want to go outside. His will stands to block the doorway, to keep out the storm at any cost.

Jeff Nichols’ second directorial effort and script has been lauded by many to be an American masterpiece. I’d be inclined to agree with them. The pacing is artistically poised with every plot point placed perfectly. Along with deeply psychoanalytic characterization and gorgeous cinematography, it makes a very modest budget of $5 million (which is well spent on the seamless visual effects in his nightmares) look epic. David Wingo’s ambiently divine score feels so uniquely American that it should be up there with Max Steiner’s work in Gone with the Wind. Jessica Chastain starred in seven greatly received films last year. Seven! The Help and The Debt were her commercial successes. Tree of Life and this one were her arthouse hits. She’s played fresh variations on the devoted wife before, but here, she defends her daughter while simultaneously helping her Curtis go toe-to-toe with his waking dreams.

Every other cast member competently play their part, but this movie belongs to its star. Michael Shannon has been a veteran character actor of the highest caliber for the last decade. He was skimmed an Oscar in 2008 for his genius in Revolutionary Road (although the winner was kind of set in stone, being a posthumous nominee and all,) and he was skimmed a nomination altogether this 84th ceremony. No matter, Shannon has got a lot of years  left and this film couldn’t have financially campaigned for the award anyway. What he did do was cement himself as one of the finest actors of his generation, hands down. He’s always explored the other side of consciousness; this time he brought you with him.

Final Verdict: Imagine “A Beautiful Mind” without the Hollywood catharsis or budget,which is more in line with Nichols’ on-location, more representational style of filmmaking anyways. If anything, see Shannon’s movie. See all his movies, but especially experience the qualitative Oscar winner of 2011.

1.  Go to the doctor, if your symptoms are severe enough a doctor can diagnose your specific allergy and help you regain your health.

2.  Keep your house well ventilated, dust and other materials can collect in your house and cause havoc to your health.

3.  If you are allergic to pollen try to stay indoors and away from plants when they are in full bloom.

4.  Use a dehumidifier in your bedroom, dust mites and other allergens thrive in a humid environment

5.  Make sure you have no food allergies, many people confuse seasonal allergies with dietary allergies and this can be very annoying.

Feel free to ask your doctor about any problems, they are much more well qualified than a group of 18 year old boys writing a newspaper!  Finding the solution to ones allergies can immensely improve ones quality of life, stay healthy Cougars!

Throughout the day at Como Park, you may find yourself amazed at the ethnic diversity that is visible throughout our halls.  Somali, Karen, Hmong, there are multitudes of ethnicities calling Como Park their home.  With all of these cultures and backgrounds converging, there can also be animosity, or frustration towards unknown peoples with unknown customs.  From these differences negatives can arise, such as stereotypes or racial slurs.

So when is it alright?  Even if it is alright in the first place, when is it acceptable to “jokingly” or “playfully” use these words, and in what context?  The Como Crier  has spoken to students the halls in search of this answer, and we have come up with some answers from all grades.

“Usually its just a joke, nobody is trying to be offensive”  said Senior Chris Hutton, although Junior Kate Wackett went further to say “whatever the situation is, whether you are by yourself or with a group, it is unacceptable to use certain words.  It degrades people and their appearance, culture, family, etc”.

It can be difficult to decide when it is or isn’t appropriate to say a word, like “Chink” in the case of Max Bretos’s, or any multitude of words.  It is best to just refrain from the subject entirely and be mindful of ones vocabulary.  On a final note the decision is all left to your own discretion, keep up the R-E-S-P-E-C-T Cougars!